If tomorrow never comes
by Alaizabel
Summary: We all know that Miroku knows that he's probably going to die. Will he tell Sango his feelings? S/M, based on the Song by Ronan Keating, but NOT a Songfic!!!


Disclaimer: I do not own Inu Yasha or "If Tomorrow Never Comes" by Ronan Keating! Author's Note: This fic was inspired by the song "If Tomorrow Never Comes" by Ronan Keating. It's not a real Songfic, but I think the song describes Mirokus feelings toward Sango very good, because he knows that he's probably going to die. Well, have fun and don't forget to review, please!  
  
If Tomorrow Never Comes - Chapter 1: Feelings  
  
As so very often in the last weeks, Miroku found no sleep today, too. So he just sat there, thinking about some things which had been on his mind for a long time. About the search for the Shikon jewel, about Naraku. and about Sango.  
  
Sango. That sweet girl who made him feel like no one else did, making him forget about his fate so often, even if it were only some hours. He was grateful for the fact that she accepted him just the way he was, for not showing sympathy for him. Everytime he told people that he was probably going to die, silence filled the air for a terrible, endless seeming moment. He hated those moments, when everyone just sadly looked at him, trying to say something, trying to show, that they felt sorry for him. But he knew that they weren't really true and that was the thing that made him hate these moments. Dammit, what knew these people about him? Nothing, not at all. It were only loose contacts which lasted maybe for a few days, before he was gone and saw them never again. He had come to the conclusion that relationships like that were not the right thing for him. He was not good with other people, especially with girls. But Sango was not like them, not at all. Of course, she knew about his fate, as Inu Yasha, Kagome and Shippo did, too. The difference was that she didn't make a big thing of it and treated him just. normal. She knew it, but she never lost a word about it. Yeah, he was grateful, grateful that she knew everything about him and still seemeed to like him someway, grateful that she was there. During the last months, he had realized more and more how lonely he had been, all alone. He had always told himself that this was the best way to spend his life, all alone, without the risk of getting hurt or hurting someone himself and that he didn't care about being lonely. Lies. Only damn stupid, cowardly lies. He had been lying to himself and the rest of the world. But then he had met Sango, and slowly he realized what he had been missing through all this years! He envied Sango for her ability to take things easy and he liked her more than a friend. He liked the way she was, how she moved, her eyes, her sweet voice. And he really thought that she was a beautiful woman. He never told her, because he knew about what would happen if he did. She would hit him and tell him that he was a perverted idiot. He didn't matter if others considered him a perverted idiot or not. But he cared about the way she thought of him. Of course he knew that she considered him a perverted idiot, but still he didn't want her to think of him like that.  
  
Dammit, why do I behave like that? I don't even understand it myself! He thought. He did care about her opinion of him and he did care about Sango.  
  
What about her? He thought. Does she care about me, too? Does she secretly think of me, the way I think of her in this moment? And the most important: Does she consider me a perverted idiot? - Of course, what else? Everyone thinks I'm a perverted idiot!  
  
He did not want her to think of him like that. And then he felt anxious. Anxious about being all alone again, anxious that she maybe hated him, that she did not love him back. Now he had said it. Finally. He had needed a long time to realize it himself, to admit it to himself, admit the fact that he was in love. But suddenly there had been this strange feeling which grew stronger and stronger every day and which was so totally strange and new to him and confused him so much. And then, only one look in her beautiful eyes had been enough and it all became totally clear: He loved her. Did she love him back? He really wished that she did, more than anything else in the world, but he could not imagine it to be that easy. Why should she love someone like me? It's absurd! She's a beautiful young woman and I'm only a perverted monk! But still, he didn't know how she felt about him in her heart, and that was the thing that mixed him up mostly at the moment. Did he even want to know? Know if she maybe hated him? If she did, he did not want to know. But living again in a world of illusions and lies again was not the thing he wanted to happen. His whole life had been a lie, but still he was afraid of getting to know the truth. It's kind of ironical, he thought and smiled a little forced.  
  
"Miroku?" A voice suddenly interrupted him in his thought and he turned around. It was Sango.  
  
"Would you mind if I joined you? I found no sleep, so I thought."  
  
"No. No, of course not!" He answered quickly, then added. "You know I enjoy being with you." He really hoped she got the hidden hint in his words.  
  
"Yeah, I feel the same way, about you." She said and smiled brightly as she settled next to him. Miroku could actually feel his face blushing. He guessed he looked like a tomato.  
  
Oh my god! He thought. Come on, Miroku! Say something, and if you can manage anyway, say something intelligent! To his own surprise, he managed to let his voice sound serious as he said:  
  
"Sango, there's something I wanna tell you before it might be too late!"  
  
"Miroku!" She took his hand, tears stung her eyes. "Miroku, I don't want you to talk like that! It makes me sad if you say things like this. Please, promise, that you'll never say this again!"  
  
"Sango. Sango, I'm sorry for making you sad. Really." He embraced her and something in his head refused to let her ever go again. "But you mean more to me than any other person I know. More than anything else in this world, and I want you to know before it's too late, before I maybe die and you never knew how much I love you."  
  
"Miroku, I."  
  
"Sango, I fall in love love with you just when I saw you for the very first time! Before I met you and Inu Yasha and Kagome, I had always been alone and I thought I was happy, but. I know it must sound stupid and sentimental, but since I met you, my life has totally changed. Nothing is as it was, but I don't want it to change ever again! Since I know you, life is again worth living for me. Cause you show me what living means. Every single day again. Sango, I love you!"  
  
"Miroku, what you said sounded neither stupid nor silly to me. It was the most beautiful someone ever said to me! I love you, too!"  
  
For one short moment, Miroku just sat there, shocked, not knowing what to do. He had never thought that this might happen one day, but it was happening and it was like a wonderful dream coming true. And suddenly he know what he had to do. He kissed Sango passionately on the lips and then. Well, we all know what they did, don't we?  
  
As Miroku woke up in the morning, he found Sango sleeping peacefully next to him. He remembered the last night and suddenly had to smile dreamy. But when he went over the whole situation in his mind again, he felt not only happiness, but grief, too. He loved Sango and she loved him, but what would be a few years later, when he was maybe dead? There would be only a big void and Sango would be sad. He did not want to make her sad, but now that they had confessed their love to each other, it would be more difficult for her than ever to accept what might happen one day. Sango would cry and the worst about this was that it was his fault. He could not let it come so far! So he put on his clothes and packed the few things he owned. He gave Sango a last loving kiss and whispered: "All the best, my angel. I'm sorry, but this way it's better for you and me."  
  
Author's Note: Done with Chapter One! Of course, this is not the end of the story, I will continue as soon as possible! I'm sorry if my English sounds sometimes a little funny. I'll improve, you'll see! Please, don't forget to review! PS: As you can see, I've let a little space between the lines (the paragraph type I used before is the one you use in the German language). And I've corrected the worst mistakes (always the same: I print the document and when I read the text a second time there are mistakes I did not notice before.). 


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